My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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