i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
