"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
