operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize