You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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