Having a random hookup so left but love u
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
