would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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