we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
