You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
