it wasn't lemon gatorade
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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