So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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