dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
