I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
