The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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