Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
