It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
