i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
