Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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