This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
