is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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