My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize