The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
