I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
soo... how was my night?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
