Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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