Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
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