My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
