Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
