so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... ๐ฏ๐๐๐
Do I even want to know?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You kept saying โkekeโ over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case youโre wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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