kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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