Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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