I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
