I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
