Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
And then my night got REAL pukey
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
