I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
