I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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