ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
