I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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