HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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