You can't motorboat a personality
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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