Kiss
Puke
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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