At least make sure they are 18
Why
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
