Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
