1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
