i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize