I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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