just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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