he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
