Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
