On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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