Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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