but the lizard people decide everything anyway
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
