why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
