he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
