what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
