just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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