fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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