well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I got inside last night via doggy door
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
