he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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