i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
