best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
