I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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