i permit you to call me
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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