And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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