I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My feet surprised me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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