Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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