This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
