Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Sorry about my life...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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