She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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