I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
