i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
