so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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