Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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