it hurts more in the daytime
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
