We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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