...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It was like giving head to a cactus.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
