sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
