can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He keeps bees of course he's weird
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
