Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
