So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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