I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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