I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
