im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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