just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
