I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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