somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
