I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
50% drunk capacity currently
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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