After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My feet surprised me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
