I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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