don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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