I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
