I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
